Jacob' Regret
by Erin Hartfile
Summary: Jacob's POV of Blood Moon Rising. Takes place from Chapter 4 on through.
1. Chapter 1

**Jacob's POV. Takes place from Chapter 4 of Blood Moon Rising chapters. I had thought about how to see from Jacob's view. I am still writing part 2**

Changes

The pain shot through me like a bolt of lightning, burning like a thousand suns. Then I must have passed out. It was suddenly dark, but I could still hear voices. _Was I dead? Were those angel's voices I heard. I recognize one of the angels, my Nessie. Oh, no, she knows what I've done. I wanted to surprise her. She surely will be angry with me for sneaking out like that._

"Maybe we should take him to the doctor?" _What the heck is Charlie doing here? Nessie must have brought him as back up._ Things were coming back to me. I was getting feeling back. _That feels nice, she's petting my head. _

"No, I'm okay." I finally spoke. _What's up with my voice? What happened to me? Oh, yeah, now I remember. I had the elders take the wolf out of me so I could be normal like my Nessie. _I opened my eyes and saw that beautiful face I love so much.

"Hi." I said. _Why was she crying?_

"Why Jake? Why did you do this? You didn't have to do this for me."

I slowly sat up and looked at her bewildered.

"I'm okay, Ness. Maybe I did this for me. We are the same now."

_Why is she still crying?_

"No, Jake. You shouldn't have." Then she started hitting me. _She was mad at me?_ "You could have died! Why did you do that?!"

_I know what will help._ So I grabbed her from hitting me and kissed her. _Well, that didn't help, she is still mad at me. Man, she is sexy when she gets mad._

"I did this for us. It was harmless, trust me. You have nothing to worry about."

She got up and started to storm off. _Where is she going? _I started to go after her. I grabbed her arm and turned her to me. It was like those old black and white movies, where the hero was chasing the love interest.

"Why are you so mad? I thought this was what was best for us. It'll be better this way, you'll see." _Why was she looking at me like that? Was it that bad? _

"No, Jake. You're wrong."

She started to leave, and was running away from me. _Where is she going? Wait. Don't leave! _I called after her, but she kept going. So I chased her, like an idiot. I almost caught up to her when a car pulled up. _Wait, there's Edward. What is he doing here? Wait, why is she leaving?_

"Nessie? Wait!"

Too late she was gone. I went back to First Beach to retrieve my things. The guys were still there. They were all giving me sad looks. "What?"

Seth came to me and patted me on the shoulder. "Tough break, Jake. I hope she's not too mad at you."

"Thanks, Seth. Me too." I put my shirt and shoes back on. _I better call her_. I remembered I left my phone at my Dad's. I looked to my Dad who was talking to Sam. "Dad, can I come to your place to call Nessie?"

"Sure, son. No problem."

I said good-bye to the guys, and I followed Dad to the house. I quickly grabbed my phone off the counter where I left it, and called Nessie. _Why isn't she answering the damn phone?_

"Ness, its Jake. Where are you? Why did you run off like that? Where did you go?" _She must have gone back to the Cullens'_. "I'm heading to the Cullen house. We need to talk. Call me if you get this message." _She's not taking my calls. What is going on with her? Was she really that mad, that she won't even talk to me?_

I said good-bye to my father, and ran over to the Cullens', but I was not fast anymore. I almost forgot. I was out of breath too. _Well, I have to get used to this. No speed, get tired. What else? I am human now. No wolf powers what so ever. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But why wouldn't it be? We would both be human. Normal people in a weird world of vampires, and shape-shifters. But I don't care, I have my Nessie and that is all that matters. I hope she will forgive me for whatever she is mad at me for, and then we can move on and plan our life together. She is my fiancée now. Wow, this running is tiring. I should have grabbed the motorcycle from Dad's garage. If it even ran. Probably hasn't been started in 2 years. _So I went back to my Dad's and borrowed the motorcycle. It didn't start right up, but after a few cranks, it was revving like a chainsaw again. _That is so much better. _I rode the motorcycle and pulled up into the long obscure driveway. I parked the motorcycle close to the garage and set it on the kickstand. I ran into the house, not even knocking. _Maybe I should have knocked coming into a house of vampires. Especially being human now, it's like the prey walking right in to the lion's den. _

"Hello? Anyone here?" I decided to announce myself first.

Just then Bella appeared from the living room.

"Jake? What are you doing here?"

_What does she mean? She knows. I'm sure Edward told her. Where is Nessie? Is she hiding from me now, too. _I started to frantically look for her, even started to go upstairs. Bella followed behind me. "Where is Nessie?"

"She's not here, Jake."

I looked at her confused. "What do you mean? Where is she?"

"She left with her Dad."

_What the hell? Where did she go? I needed to talk to her._

"Why? Where did they go?" I was clearly getting anxious now, worried even.

"She went home."

"Home, like, home, home?"

"Yes, to New Hampshire."

"When? How did I miss her? Why didn't you stop her?" _Was I yelling?_

"Jake, calm down. She left right away with her father. She needs some space. She asked me to talk to you."

I was fuming. If I were still werewolf I would have changed already.

"Space?! She had to go all the way to New Hampshire to have space?"

"Now, Jake, sit down and let's talk. Okay."

"I don't want to sit down. I'm going to catch the next flight to New Hampshire."

"No, Jake." She put her hand on me. I shrugged her off. "You need to give her time. She's very confused right now."

"I'm going to call her then." I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket.

_She's not answering again. She maybe on the plane. I hate leaving messages. _"Hi, It's me again. I just talked to Bella. You rushed out of here so fast. Why? Please call me. I need to know what's going on in that head of yours." _Why was she avoiding me? _"I love you." I hung up the phone.

I looked at Bella, looking in her eyes. She could never lie to me. She was a terrible liar. "Bella, what did she say to you?"

"Not much really. Edward said she was scared and confused. She told him your wolf spirit was taken from you, and it really frightened her. She was upset that you went without telling her. You should have talked to her more about it first. She thought you were dead."

"Okay, I know. But I wanted to surprise her. I wanted to be normal for once. I couldn't wait anymore."

"You are welcome to stay here for a while, Jake. That way you can be close by if she calls."

"I appreciate that. I just don't understand why she would have left to go home."

"She's confused. She needed some time to sort things out without you confusing her more."

"Great. So how long do I have to wait to talk to her?"

"I don't know."

I was feeling frustrated and anxious. "I'm going to go clean up a little. Let me know if she calls, okay?"

"I will."

I went upstairs to get a shower. I took a cool shower to calm me down. I was getting anxious. I thought I was having a heart attack. I even started hyperventilating. _What is wrong with me? _The cool water was relaxing me. I changed into some sweatpants and laid on the bed in the guest room. I tried to close my eyes, and replayed the beach scene over and over in my head. _The fire shooting into my chest, and then Nessie, my sweet Nessie, stroking my hair, and rocking me in her arms. Crying on my chest. Waking up to her beautiful face, wanting her, needing her. Then she was mad at me, and slapping me on my chest. I wondered why she was mad, wanting her more. Kissing her soft, full lips, and feeling the heat of her body close to mine. But she was still angry at me, yelling at me. She ran from me, so I chased her, grabbing her and pulling her to me, wanting her more. Wanting to rip the clothes from her and take her on that beach. Then she ran away. Ran with her father. Her blood-sucking, interfering father, Edward! Why did she leave me alone? I missed her already. I missed her beautiful face, her sweet natural scent, the curves of her body, the soft kisses she gives me, my tongue exploring her mouth and tasty skin, her touch on my bare skin igniting the fire that rose inside me as she caresses me, the sounds she makes as I excite her. How much I wanted to love her, and have her all to myself, being inside her and feeling her ecstasy each time I made her climax. The heat from our love making, as we reached the pivotal point of …_

I must have been dreaming. I woke suddenly. I calmed my self down._ Wow, that was some vivid dream._ _Why do I torture myself so?_

I got another cold shower, and got dressed. It was nearly 2 am. _What was I doing up?_ I went down to talk to Bella. I saw her in the living room reading.

"Hi. Have you heard from Nessie?"

"No, sorry." I ducked into the kitchen and called Edward. _If Nessie wouldn't answer her phone, I'll have Edward put her on the phone. _

"Edward, Hi, can I speak to Nessie?"

"No, she's sleeping Jake. It's late. Maybe she'll talk to you tomorrow." _So he's keeping me from talking to her too? What is the deal? _

"I really need to talk to her."

"I'm sorry Jake."

"What is going on with her? Why did she take off instead of talking to me?"

"I don't know what to say. She's very confused right now."

"You don't think she is second guessing our relationship do you?"

"No, I don't think so." _Why won't he tell me what she's thinking? Why is he being so vague? He's probably hoping we break up. He can't stand the fact I'm with his little girl. _"Let me talk to Bella, now, Jake."

"Well, okay. Tell Nessie I love her."

"Okay I'll tell her." _I doubt it._ I went back into the living room and handed the phone to Bella. "Edward would like to talk to you." I said coolly.

"Thanks."

I overheard their conversation. "Hi, Edward." _How could she talk so sweet to him? He's keeping Nessie from me. _"How's Nessie? I know what you mean. She has gone through so much so fast…I'll try to but you know how stubborn he is." _She was talking about me. Was she going to keep me from her too? _"Okay, I'll talk to you soon. I love you, Edward. Don't forget to keep her fed. She likes vegetarian food. Okay. Good-night." I laughed to myself. _My Nessie, the vegetarian half-vampire. _

"So what's going on, Bella?"

"She's asleep right now. Maybe you could talk to her tomorrow."

"Yeah, if she ever answers her phone."

"Just be patient, Jake."

"I can't. Our lives are at stake here. Why are you both keeping me from her?"

"We're only respecting her wishes."

"Ridiculous!" I stormed off and went to the guest room. I laid on the bed and tossed and turned. I tried listening to my ipod, hoping that would calm me down. I tossed for hours, then finally fell asleep. I started having this horrible dream. I dreamt there was a dark figure similar to another dream I had. The figure was luring Nessie away from me. He was faceless, but she was strangely attracted to him. Then she was kissing the dark figure. I was helpless to watch them. I couldn't wake up. I was yelling at them, but they did not hear me. I was trying to reach them, but I was glued to my spot.

Then I woke up. I was sweating and grasping the sheets. My throat was scratchy and I was hyperventilating. I tried to breathe evenly. _Who is this dark figure? Why is he in my dream?_

It was late morning. I wondered if Nessie was awake. I tried calling her phone again. No answer. "Why won't you answer your phone? Please, Ness, I love you. Are you still mad at me because I asked the elders change me? Call me, please." _Maybe I'll call Edward._

"Hey, Edward. Is Nessie around?"

"No. She went for a walk."

"Oh, I'll try her cell phone again."

"No, she didn't take it with her." _He's doing it again!_

"When will she be back?"

"I don't know. Not long. She's been gone for a couple hours now."

_What would she be doing walking alone? What is she thinking about? God, I miss her._

"Okay. Well, I'll try her in a little bit."

"Alright, Jake. Talk to you later."

I waited "patiently", watching the clock. _10:30, surely she was back by now. _I decided to wait until 11. I paced back and forth in the guest room. I just wanted to throw something, hit something. _Why can't she return my call? I don't care if she doesn't even say anything, as long as I can hear her breathing. Okay, I've waited long enough._ I speed-dialed her number again. It was ringing. _Come, on, answer the damn phone!_

"Hello?"

It was her. She finally answered. "Ness, it's me Jake."

"Hi, Jake." She didn't sound happy to hear from me.

"You _are_ mad at me, aren't you? That's why you didn't answer the phone, and why you ran off."

"Jake, I just need a little time. I'm very confused right now. And yes, maybe I am a little mad at you for going behind my back and going to the elders. We needed to talk about it more. You didn't even give me a chance to talk you out of it. You didn't have any thought or care for what I wanted. You just did what you thought was best for me. I don't need you to protect me all the time, Jake. You may think I'm a fragile little human girl, now, but I'm not. Now, what if something was to happen and I _will_ need you to protect me, and you are merely a human. You will barely be able to protect yourself."

_Well, I never thought about it that way. I guess I should have talked to her about it. She would have just convinced me to stay werewolf, and what would happen if I phased too close to her, she'd end up like Emily? I only did this for us. But she's right, maybe I jumped the gun. Maybe I made a mistake. I won't be able to protect her like I could before. Oh, my god, what have I done?_

"I'm sorry." _What have I done? No wonder she is mad. Now, I cannot protect her. I am just a stupid human! _"Maybe I should let you go for now. I'll talk to you later." _Damn, I'm crying now. What a Wuss! A Wuss and a dumbass! _"I love you, Ness."

_Stupid ass human, idiot!!! _I slammed my phone into the wall, breaking it into a thousand pieces. _Now, I really did it! What an idiot._ I scooped up the pieces of my phone, and dumped them into the trash. A few moments later there was a knock on the door of my room. I opened to Alice standing. She was looking at me funny.

"Yeah, Alice, what do you want?" I was still mad at myself.

"Are you alright? I heard a noise. Did you break something?"

"Just my cell phone." _What did she want anyway? Did Nessie send her to check on me? Maybe she does still care._

"Oh." She was still looking at me funny.

"So what do you really want, Alice?"

"That's weird."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing."

"What Alice?" I was getting frustrated with her.

"You're different, but something is the same."

"Of course I'm different, I'm human now! A stupid human. So you want to take a nibble, or what?" I pushed my neck toward her. "Is that it? Go ahead. I know you want to. Get it over with."

"No, thank you." Alice said gracefully, but turning her nose to me.

"What? My blood not good enough for you?"

"Jake, do you have a death-wish?"

"No, why?"

"You should know if I bite you, you will potentially die. But for some reason, your blood doesn't even appeal to me."

"Oh, great, now my blood is no good, too? Just put me out of my misery would you?" I held my wrist to her.

"Jake, that's enough. Nessie would be upset if she heard you talking like that."

"Why, I'm just a stupid human? My life means nothing to her now."

"Jake, that's not true. She asked me to keep an eye on you. Would she do that if she didn't still care?"

"Do you see Nessie and I together, Alice?"

"What do you mean?" She looked away. _She sees something._

"You know what I mean. Look into my future and tell me."

"I can't."

"You can't or won't?"

"I can't see Nessie. You know that her future is uncertain."

"Can you see me?"

"That's what's weird."

"You can't see me either, but I thought with me being a stupid human, you could see me."

"I don't know, Jake."

"Great, you're no help."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, I'd like to be alone for awhile if you don't mind."

"Just don't do anything stupid, okay, Jake?"

"Too late for that. I am a stupid human after all."

"Jake. It will work out. I have a feeling. Okay."

"But you said you couldn't see us?"

"I can't."

Then she left. _So, now what? I just sit here and wait for her to call me? How long will I have to wait?_


	2. Chapter 2

Hang on

The last few days were tortuous. Every waking moment I thought I was having a panic attack. Bella has talked to Edward everyday, getting updates about Nessie. It seems she is spending a lot of time at the beach. Just today, she got her license. _That's a scary thought, Nessie driving? Why did she not want to talk to me? _Everytime I asked to talk to her, she wasn't there. She never brought her cell phone with her. _What is she doing?_ _How much torture can I possibly take? _Then I got the news.

"Jake, we're going home tomorrow."

I was so excited I almost jumped to the ceiling. I gave Bella a big bear hug.

"Thank, god!"

"I know you have been anxious, Jake. We'll be in New Hampshire by tomorrow night."

"Anxious. I was about to have a heart attack."

_This is great! I can see my Nessie again, and I will make it up to her, the best way I can. I will love her, and show her that we can be together as humans. I will make sweet passionate love to her, and she will be mine completely. The thought of her in my arms naked, writhing beneath me, moaning my name, excited me a little. Damn, why do I do this to myself? _ I took another cold shower.

I rested better, thinking about how my reunion with Nessie will turn out.

The next day, I got ready to pack my things for our trip back home. 12 hours to go, until I see Nessie's face. I ate a hefty breakfast made by Esme. She was a better cook than Edward, but not by much. Then Blondie came in to spoil my appetite.

"Well, look who's here. You're still moping around?"

"Rose. I'm not in the mood to deal with your crap today."

"Oh, I see. Well, I do have to say, you smell better. But that is all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I glared at her.

"Well, if she takes you back, it won't be because you're good looking or anything. Maybe she'll just feel sorry for you, now that you're a mere human."

"You know what, Blondie? You are pitiful. The only reason you have a boyfriend is because you saved him from a bear." _There take that, Blondie!_

She took off in a huff. I wasn't going to have her spoil my good mood. But then Emmett was there in my face. _Damn, now what? Did Blondie go tell her boyfriend to come beat me up?_

"What did you say to Rose?" I could smell his sickening sweet breath, in my face.

"I was not in the mood for her crap today. I may have jabbed her a liitle."

"She's very upset."

"Sorry, Emmett. I am in too good of a mood to be brought down by her amateur digs." He seemed more relaxed.

"You're going to see Nessie today?"

"Yeah, finally."

Emmett looked over to Rosalie who was peeking around the corner fuming. "Whoops, gotta go. I'll deal with you later!" He played that one up to make himself look good to Blondie. The two of them bounced off together, arguing, from the sounds of it. I just smiled.

5 o'clock couldn't come soon enough. Bella and I went to the airport about 3:30 to check in our bags, and then we went to our terminal to wait to be seated. I kept looking at the clock, hanging on the wall near the gate door. Bella lightly patted my arm in sympathy. A few moments later we were boarding the plane. We set our bags over the seats in the over head compartments, and sat next to each other. I took the window seat. I put my headphones on and listened to my ipod. I watched the plane as it taxied the runway, and took off. I saw the houses and buildings getting smaller, until we were in the clouds. As soon as the plane leveled off, the airline attendants served drinks and a bag of almonds. I opted for water. I snacked on my almonds, and ate Bella's bag as well. I then settled down for the 5 hour plane ride to New Hampshire. I closed my eyes and started to drift off.

_The dark figure appeared again, holding Nessie in her arms. She was naked! He was with her, lying on a bed with her. He was having sex with my Nessie! I could see them, but couldn't get to them. It was like I was watching through a two way mirror. I yelled at them and hit the window. They were writhing and moving together in a way I wanted her. I couldn't look away, though. I was watching them together. Her face contorted in ecstasy as he violated her. Then the room went dark, and I could only hear the sounds of them moaning and crying in pleasures I have not had with her. I kept yelling for her. I was lost in the dark. _

I woke from my dream, sweating again. I jerked awake, and almost forgot where I was. I looked next to me where Bella was sitting. She patted my hand.

"You were having a bad dream."

"I'd say so."

"You were saying Nessie's name."

"Oh, really? Was I loud?"

"No. Do you want to talk about your dream?"

"I don't really remember it." I was lying. I remembered every horrible detail, except for his face. I never did see his face.

Then the pilot came over the speaker and announced we will be rerouted to Boston, due to the snowstorm.

"Oh, no." Bella said. She grabbed her cell phone and called Edward it seemed.

"Hi, Edward. No, it looks like they are re-routing us to Boston. The airport must be closed there. We could rent a car and drive down from Boston. Okay, if you think that is best. We're on flight 252 arriving from Seattle. We should arrive around 10. I will see you soon. I love you, Edward."

"So Edward is picking us up in Boston? Is Nessie coming to meet the plane too?"

"I don't know. He didn't say."

"Oh."

We arrived in Boston earlier than we thought. _Good, the sooner I saw Nessie the better._ We arrived about 9:30. The airport was covered in a layer of white, and it was still snowing. I braced myself for a tricky landing. We arrived, and pulled up to the gate. The airplane let us off slowly. I was getting more anxious. Just a few moments longer. _Will she be here with Edward?_ I thought. We exited the plane and I saw Edward ahead in the crowd. He was standing half a head taller than most of the people. _Where was she? Did she not come? _I didn't see Nessie. We approached Edward, and Bella and his hugged and kissed, like newlyweds again. _Get a room, would you please._ They stopped kissing, realizing I was still there.

"Oh, sorry, Jake." Bella said, composing herself.

"Where's Nessie?"

"She decided not to come."

"Why?" I was anxious again.

"She is still thinking things through, Jake."

"Great. Well, then, let's get going."

We gathered our bags from baggage claim, and headed to the car. As we were leaving a police officer stopped us.

"Folks, if you are traveling outside the Boston area, the roads are closed until morning. You will have to stay at a hotel for the night. Sorry for the inconvenience."

I was panicking.

"What? Why? This is just great!" _Just top off my crappy day. _

"Jacob, I'll call Nessie and let her know."

He didn't talk to her. She wasn't answering.

"She didn't pick up. She may be sleeping or something."

_What is she doing? Why isn't she answering her phone, it is her father, after all?_

We got in the car, and drove to the hotel. The snow was heavy, and difficult to drive in. When we reached the hotel, Edward got us a suite with separate bedrooms. We got settled in to the room and Edward's phone rang.

"Not really. We're socked in here with snow. The roads won't be clear until morning… Yes, just an hour ago. Will you be okay by yourself?... Jacob is anxious to see you. Just to warn you."

"What's that supposed to mean? Why are you warning her."

"I just was preparing her. That's all. Don't read anything into it."

"What aren't you telling me, Edward?"

"Jake, she will talk to you when we get home."

"Fine! I'm going to go to bed, then."

I stormed off to my little bedroom, and threw my bag on the floor. I plopped myself down on the bed, and I laid with my hands behind my head. I was afraid to fall asleep. I wanted to call, Nessie. _Would she be sleeping too? _I put my headphones on again and drifted off to sleep.

_Nessie appeared in my dream. We were arguing. Then she was leaving. I reached to her and grabbed her hand. I felt like I was falling off a cliff, and holding her hand. I was slipping from her, and I couldn't hold on. I started falling into darkness._

It was morning when I woke. The sun was shining in my room. I jerked up out of bed, and realized where I was, and knew I would see Nessie in a few hours. I got a quick shower and changed my clothes I had slept in all night. We left right after we were all ready. I was so anxious to see her again. I couldn't wait.

The drive was long, and I was on the edge of my seat. I thought I would ask Edward and Bella for a favor. I wasn't sure if they would go for it.

"Edward, Bella, I was wondering if it weren't too much trouble, if I could have some time alone with Nessie when we got home."

"Right, without my mind reading. What are you up to, Jake?"

"I'm not sure yet."

Edward leered at me through the rear-view mirror. "I don't think that is such a good idea, Jake."

"What? It's not what you think I'm thinking."

"I am not condoning this, Jake."

"Condone what, Edward? Would you mind filling me in?" Bella asked.

"If you could only see what is in his perverted mind, Bella."

"Oh, oh!" Bella looked over her shoulder at me and sneered at me.

"Oh, come on, you guys. Give me some credit, please. I'm just going to talk to her, and then see what happens. I am asking for your benefit too. Just in case something were to happen."

"I don't know Jake." Bella said.

"Please. You know it's only a matter time."

"I don't know about that, Jake."

"Well, I'm hoping."

I tried not to think about it around Edward. His grip was tightening on the steering wheel.

"Sorry, Edward. I can't help it."

"Jake, I suppose we could stay at the Bed and Breakfast for the night. But we are not supporting this plan of action, Jake. You know how we feel. This is not the way to win her heart." Bella looked to Edward in support.

"I'll remember that."

I started thinking about Nessie in my arms again, taking each article of clothing off of her, and kissing every bare inch of skin…

"Jake, that is enough! Could you please think of something else, like baseball or something." Edward was about to rip the steering wheel off.

"Oh, sorry."

We finally reached the house. I quickly got out of the car, and started into the house. Edward and Bella left for the bed and breakfast. I looked around in the living room. She wasn't there. Maybe she was in her room. It was so quiet I could hear my heart beat in my head like a drum. Only a few feet more up those stairs. My stomach was churning. I walked up the steps and down the hall. I paused at her door. She was just on the other side of it. I could almost hear her heart beating as fast as mine. I knocked on her door lightly.

"Come in." She said so sweetly, that angel's voice I love. _Was she as nervous as I was? _I opened her door. She was standing by her bed. _Just where I wanted her to be._

"Hi." I finally spat out, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

I looked at her face, and it was like the first time I saw her little infant face in the blanket. I was her satellite again. She was crying. Were they tears of joy? I couldn't resist her any longer. I was pulled to her and held her to me. She sobbed in my shirt. Then she started to hit me in the chest with her fists, and trying to push me away. _Was she still angry with me? Were those angry tears? _ I pulled her tighter to me. _I'm not letting her go. _

"Let me go, Jake." She told me.

"No. I can't. I need to hold you."

She hugged me back now. _She cannot resist me. She smells so wonderful. I missed her sweet spicy cinnamon scent. Her hair is so soft. She was still crying._

"Its okay, Ness. I know you are still angry with me, but everything will be alright. I missed you so much. I felt like my heart was going to fall out of my chest. I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack or something."

_I want to kiss those soft lips of hers. _I pulled her face up, looking at her tear strewn eyes. I kissed her so gently, and then I couldn't control myself anymore. I kissed her more passionately. _I can't stop now. _I started to undress her, but she stopped me.

"No, my Dad will know."

I grinned at my forethought plans. "They aren't here. The let us have some time alone. They're staying at the B&B up the road for the night. We won't be interrupted."

I started kissing her again, more passionately. I started to remove her clothes again. Kissing and caressing every inch of her supple skin. Her breathing was increasing as was mine. I removed my clothes and eased her to her bed. I continued to explore her body with my mouth and tongue. She clawed at the sheets as I made her shudder with excitement. She moaned with delight as I entered her gently. I pulled her legs around me and continued kissing her neck and shoulders, gently making love to her. Our movements were smooth like a dance. I was trying to contain my pleasure for as long as possible, letting her enjoy every moment. When I finally reached the top, she was moaning the loudest. I could not contain it any longer. I collapsed on top of her briefly as my energy left me. I laid next to her on her bed, pulling her to me. Her arm laid across my chest, and I caressed it. I kissed the top of her head, inhaling her sweet scent. _She is crying again. That can't be good. I hope I didn't hurt her. I didn't even think about that. _I pulled her face up to look at her.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No, I'm fine physically. I'm emotionally a wreck though."

_What did she mean by that? Was she still mad, after all that?_

"What do you mean? We are both human now, and we can live a normal life as humans. I thought that is what you wanted. I'm sorry I decided to do this without talking to you first. You probably would have talked me out of it, and somehow you would have convinced me to stay a werewolf. You would have been potentially hurt, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. Can't you see that?"

Then she sat up in bed and started to get dressed. _Why did she have to ruin this moment?_

"What now? What did I say?"

Why do you have to be so stubborn, Jake! Don't you get it! If you would have just waited you would still be a werewolf! Now you are merely a human! Breakable and unchangeable! Now it is too late, and everything is all wrong! You will grow old and eventually die!"

_Why is she yelling at me? Why is she saying these things?_

"What do you mean? You are human too. We will grow old together."

"That's just it Jake! I'm not! I'm half-vampire, and always was!"

"What?" _What was she saying? How long has she known this? _I quickly got up out of bed, and started to put my pants on. I was angry now. _What the hell is going on?_

"Yes, Jake. My powers are almost full strength again. They were never really gone, just dormant I guess. All part of my growing phase."

The fury was building in me. "When did you know? Huh? When!" _Why was I suddenly furious with her? Why was I suddenly fearful for my life. _ "Did you know before or after I changed back into a human?"

"After. Just the last few days actually."

_Why did she keep this from me? _"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why would it matter? You can't change what has been done. Billy told you that there was no going back once you released the wolf from you. You knew that!"

_She was right. I'm an idiot. I can't go back now. So, what the hell. I don't care. _"Okay, you're right! I screwed up! So what do we do now? You could have easily killed me if you wanted to. So that's a risk I'll have to take. It's my fault so let the chips fall."

_Would she have killed me like a praying mantis? Bite my head off as we were done mating?_

"No, Jake, I screwed up!"

_Now what is she talking about?_ "What are you talking about? It's not your fault. I don't care if you want to tear me apart, I will do what I have to."

"You want to die, Jake, is that it!"

She suddenly charged me and before I knew it I was on my back, and she had me pinned like when we used to wrestle. Only this time she wasn't playing. Her teeth were an inch from my neck. I could feel her breath on the bulging vein in my neck.

"Is this what you want?" She growled at me. "A swift painful death?"

_Oh, God, here it comes. _I closed my eyes waiting for her teeth to pierce my neck. I started panting in fear. _No. I need to look at her one last time before I die. I love her so much. _I opened my eyes. _Okay. _"I don't care." I told her. I was ready to die for her.

"You're a terrible liar, Jake." Then she let me loose. "I'm not going to kill you, Jake. I would rather die myself than have that happen."

_I don't believe this. I was an inch from death. _

She walked over to her nightstand and pulled out something. Her ring.

"That is why I can't marry you. I can't take that chance."

I shook my head at her. _What is she doing? _"You don't mean that? We made love, Nessie. No matter how dangerous that situation was, it happened. You knew what could happen. You allowed me to make love to you, knowing you were risking my life? How selfish is that?" _Why is she doing this? She is breaking up with me? I don't believe this! After all I went through, she's breaking up with me?_

"Selfish? I was in control of myself, surprisingly." She showed me her arm where she must have bitten herself in the height of passion. "You know I can't resist you Jake. It has always been that way. I thought I could resist you, be angry with you. Make you hate me, even."

_Hate her? Why would I hate her? I love her, and she was breaking my heart. I know she loves me still. She made love with me. _I held the ring in the palm of my hand.

"Why would I hate you? You're talking nonsense. If you can't resist me, then why give this back to me? You still love me, I can tell."

"That's what I'm afraid of. I was able to control myself this time, but what about the next time when I really thirst for your blood? You wouldn't be able to stop me. I may not be able to stop myself. I won't be responsible for ending your life."

She started to walk away from me, so I followed after her.

_So this is it. This is the end. We're finished just like that. Damn, I'm an idiot. Why didn't I see this coming. She broke up with me. But she loves me. I don't understand. Why can't we just be together. I don't care if we never make love again. Well, maybe never, but I can try. I can't believe it's really over. So what do I do no? Drown my sorrows._

So I grabbed a bottle of champagne out of the fridge and opened it. Then I started chugging the bottle down. I looked at her, angry and hurt.

"What are you doing, Jake?" Then she tried to take the bottle from me. I dodged her. "You think that is going to help?"

_Yep! _"No maybe just numb me a little, because right now you are ripping my heart out. I would like to be numb for that, thank you."

I downed almost half the bottle. It hadn't kicked in yet. My heart was still aching. I plopped down on the couch.

"Nice, Jake. Why can't anything be easy with you? I was trying to do this the best way for both of us. I wasn't planning on making love to you. Don't you know this is hurting me to let you go? I've contemplated this day and night." Then she came over to me, and grabbed my face in her soft little hands. "I love you, Jake. But I can't do this to you." Then suddenly there was a flash, and a shocking image swam through my head. She was projecting her memory to me. _Oh, my God! What are you doing? Where did that come from?_ _I saw an image of her and I arguing and she was attacking me and started to tear my body apart with her teeth. Her face was smeared with my blood, and I collapsed in her grasp, dead. Then she dropped my lifeless body at her feet. She had tears in her eyes. _Then she let go of my face. I could have cried, I was so shocked.

"What was that, a dream?"

"A nightmare I had. See what I've been going through day and night. I won't risk it."

_Damn, why did she have to show me that. Now I'll have nightmares. Is that what she really thinks about? Subconsciously she wants to devour me. Crazy._

I continued to drink the bottle of champagne, until it was gone. _I could become a vampire. I could be immortal. Why not? Bella did it. Why can't I?_

"Well then." I slurred. "I'll just have to have Edward or Bella change me into a vampire then."

"Now, you're just drunk. Besides you want to become the enemy you fought against for so long, be an outcast to your family and friends. You would be banned from LaPush forever. You would be like these newborns you killed in that meadow just a few years ago. And one other thing, you would be poison to me. One bite from you, and you would kill me. Do you want to live that way?"

_I imagined myself like those newborns I had killed a few years ago in that field. I remembered their ferocity and evil red eyes. I would never be able to set foot in LaPush. Dad would claim me as dead. And she couldn't even be near me anyway, because I would be venomous to her. I just can't win._

"No. I guess not." She was becoming blurry to me. _Man, I'm getting sleepy. I think the champagne is finally kicking in. She was so beautiful, even out of focus. Why did she have to be so damn irresistible. _"I just love you so much, Ness. I don't know what I'll do without you in my life."

She got blurrier, and then everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

The Beginning of the End

I was half conscience when I heard Bella and Edward talking. My head was pounding like a jack-hammer.

"What do you think will happen to him now, Edward." I heard Bella say.

"Well, he'll have to sober up first. Shh. He's waking up." Edward would say.

_God, why did I drink all that champagne? Never again. _I slowly opened my eyes to the brightness of the room and squinted at Bella and Edward who were hovering over the couch watching me intently. "Okay, I know I look a mess. But do you have to stare?" I told them.

"Sorry, Jake. Just making sure you were still alive." Bella joked.

"Barely. Can I have some aspirin. Like 20 of them."

"Sure Jake, I'll get it." Bella left the room and came back with some water and a few aspirins.

"Jake, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry." Edward started to say.

I looked at him, trying to remember the events of the day before. Nessie and my reunion, and wonderful lovemaking, and then our argument, and her breaking up with me.

"Jake, you don't have to be so vivid with your memories." Edward said gritting his teeth.

"Oh, sorry. I was just replaying last night."

I drank down the glass of water, and looked around, noticing Nessie was no where around.

"Where's Nessie?"

"In her room."

I thought about going to see her, maybe try and talk more sense into her. Pour my heart out to her, and tell her I still love her no matter what.

"Jake, I don't know if that is a good idea." Edward read my mind.

"I don't care, Edward." I got angry again and started up the stairs. I went to Nessie's door, which was open. Her back was to me, as she sat on her bed. She was talking on her phone. _Who was she talking to?_

"No, not yet. He can't read my mother. That's why I told her." She was talking about Edward and Bella. _What did she tell Bella? _"I haven't told Jacob yet." _What was she talking about? _I grabbed my head as the anger was increasing. _Who was that?_

"You haven't told Jacob what?" I must have startled her. She jumped from the bed and was hiding her phone. _What is she hiding from me? _"Who are you talking to, Nessie?" In anger I lunged for the phone and tried to grab it from her. We struggled with the phone and it accidentally hit the wall and broke. Then she clawed at me. _Man, did that sting. _ I looked at her in shock, and grabbed my neck which started to bleed. Then all of sudden she leapt across the room like a cat, and was crouching near the corner, growling at me. _Was she going to attack me like in her dream? _I backed away a little, clutching my neck to keep it from bleeding everywhere. Then Edward and Bella were there in a flash. They must have heard the struggle. Edward stepped in front of Nessie, guarding me from her. Bella quickly handed me a towel to put on my neck, then she backed away from me. She must have smelled my blood. Nessie was snarling and almost ready to attack, but Edward held her back. Bella pushed me out of the room. _Wait, I'm not done talking to her. I want to know who she was talking to. _ "I want an answer, Nessie! Who were you talking to?!" I yelled as Bella pushed me down the hall, and down stairs. I continued to hold the towel to my neck until the bleeding stopped. Then someone burst into the front door. I didn't recognize him. I was on the defense automatically.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" I never saw that guy before. _Was he the one she was talking to? _

"Where is Renesmee?" He asked. _What did he want with her? How did he know her? What was he, vampire, no, human, no, both, maybe? _Nessie came down the stairs followed by Edward. She seemed surprised to see him, but not scared. _She knows him._

"Nessie, who is this guy?" I asked her. She didn't respond.

"Who are you? How do you know Renesmee?" Edward asked the stranger.

"Dad, Leo is my friend?" She finally responded. _Friend?_ _Why was she putting herself in front of him? _"Friend?!" I asked irritated. "Edward who is this clown?" I was hoping Edward would read him and tell me.

"I can't tell, Jacob. I can't read him."

The anger was infuriating me. I went to Nessie and grabbed her arm. "Who is he, Nessie? Was he the one on the phone?" I whispered to her gritting my teeth.

"Yes."

She wouldn't look me in the face. _What is she hiding? Why won't she look at me? What is her relationship with this guy? _I glared at the stranger. "What do you want from her?" _I knew exactly what he wanted. The same thing I wanted._

"I am just here to make sure she was okay. I heard a struggle with the phone, and I was concerned something had happened to her." He responded.

I looked to Nessie again. _ I wanted answers. _."How long have you known this guy?"

"Just since we came back from Forks. I met him the day after we got back."

"What is he doing here, Nessie?" I did not like these answers.

"He came looking for me." _Sure he was, but that is not all he wants._

Edward became more defensive and put himself in front of us to guard us. _What was he thinking, was he Volturi?_ "Why was he looking for you, Nessie?" Edward asked. "Who is he?"

Bella's phone rang, but I was to busy figuring the guy out.

"Leo is half-vampire like me. He's a tracker. He's tracking all our kind like us. He was curious to find me and meet me." Nessie explained.

_Was he really a Volturi tracker?_ "A tracker? Nessie, I'm not too sure you know who he is?" Edward was being over cautious. _He wasn't going to kill her._ _He had other things in mind._

"Dad, he's not Volturi. The Volturi don't even know about him. He's like a nomad." She was defending him.

"Who's Mom talking to?" She asked. _Who cares about that now?_

"Alice is on her way. She's only a few miles away. She's seen something, Edward." Bella was off her phone. _Why was Alice coming? What was she seeing? Was it something about this clown?_

"What?" Edward asked.

"She'll fill us in when she gets here."

_Good, maybe it is something about this creep, he is evil._

"What do you mean, Mom? What has she seen? Does it have to do with Leo? Why is she coming here, now? There is no danger from Leo." Nessie asked her.

"She'll explain." _Good, then I won't have to eliminate the creep. Nessie's vampire family will do it for me. She was still looking at him, why? What is up with her? This killer vampire tracker is in her house, and she is still defending him?_ "I'd like to know what the hell is going on here!!!" I was furious. _Why won't they tell me anything? _Edward took me aside and tried to ease my anxiety. He whispered to me. "I don't know who this guy is, but I'm not so sure he is who she thinks he is. I hope Alice has some answers, I cannot read him. Nessie is not letting me."

_What, not letting him? Since when can she be a shield?_

A few moments later, Alice and Jasper came through the door. Alice glided right to Edward as Jasper was surveying the room. Alice whispered so fast to Edward, I couldn't understand her.

"Nessie, Alice has seen a vision of pure abhorration."

_What?_

"What's going on, Dad? What are you saying?" _Nessie doesn't believe him._

"Leo's not who he says he is. He is hiding a horrible secret." _I knew it!_

The guy shook his head.

"No, it's not true. Leo is my friend. He wouldn't keep anything from me." _Why was she defending him?_

"He's a tracker alright, Nessie. He's found all of the half-vampires and destroyed them! They're all dead! You would have been next." _What? I knew he was evil._

"No!!!" She screamed. "It's not true! Is it Leo?! Tell them it's not true!" _Say, yes you piece of…_ "Leo!" She yelled at to get his attention. He was in shock. _Was he shocked to hear the news?_

"It's not true, Renesmee. They're wrong. I would never hurt you, or the others." _He's trying to save face with her. He's messing with her head._

"Don't listen to him, Nessie. He's manipulating you. Can't you see that?" Edward told her.

"No, Dad! Alice is wrong! She has the wrong person! Leo wouldn't harm me or the others like us!" _She is still defending him. What has he done to her, brainwashed her?_

"Why are you standing up for this creep, Nessie?" I stared him down and got in his face. "What did you do to her?" Then it dawned on me. _He had gotten to her._ _That SOB got in her head and her pants._ "You got to her, didn't you? Messed with her head. Played on her emotions. You slept with _my_ Nessie, didn't you?" _I wanted to tear his limbs off, but knew I couldn't. _I poked him in the chest that seemed to anger him. _God, I wish I was a werewolf right now, I would take that smug head of his clean off. _The more I poked him, the madder he got. I was suddenly on my back, and he had my shoulders pinned. _Oh, god, I'm dead. _ He snapped his razor sharp teeth at me, but before he could sever my jugular, Edward had kicked him across the room and through the front door. _Way to go Edward! I owe you one._ Edward lent me a hand up. I looked out the door, and she was still staring at him in that way, like she felt sorry for him. Then he took off. Edward and Jasper were about to chase him down.

"No, it's not safe." Alice warned them.

_I can't believe it! She slept with him? How could she do this to me? She cheated on me with this half-vampire killer? What was she thinking? Did he really manipulate her and make her fall for him? I can't believe this. I should have let him kill me, I'm already dead inside. She has ripped my heart out and torn it to shreds. I've lost my sweet Nessie. She gave it up to him? Oh, my god. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I ever think she could love me as much as I loved her. I gave up everything for her. Now I have nothing, and I am nothing. _

I sat down on the couch, and started to sob like a baby. Bella tried to console me. _Just leave me alone! I want to crawl away and die like an old dog. _Bella rubbed my back and whispered in my ear. "It will be okay, Jake. She still loves you. You can get her back. You don't have to give up. He is nothing compared to you."

I was starting to feel a little better. I looked up and saw Nessie collapsing to the floor. I got up quickly and caught her before her head hit the floor. Everyone gasped. She had passed out. _Was it from shock or stress?_

"Nessie?" I talked softly to her. She didn't respond. I listened to her heart. It was still beating as fast as it ever did. Her breathing was shallow. I held her to me. _I loved her still, despite it all. Why was I such a fool for her?_ I picked her up and carried her up to her room. I laid her on her bed and covered her with the blankets. I smoothed her hair from her face. I looked at her angelic face. _I have to get her back, somehow. I wonder if there was anyway. I could go to Forks and try and get the wolf back in me? Would it be possible? This is an emergency, after all. Then if I get the wolf back, I would tear that creep's head off and serve it on a platter for all to see. I would be her savior. I would be her wolf in shining armor. She will be mine again. That's what I must do._

I kissed her on the forehead, and inhaled her scent. _God, help me, but I do love her._


	4. Chapter 4

Were I Go Again

I hopped the first flight out of New Hampshire, back to LaPush. I told Bella and Edward not to tell Nessie where I was going. I had to try and get Nessie back and help her the only way I can, as a werewolf. I arrived in Port Angeles early evening. I called and had Sam pick me up at the airport. Sam hadn't always supported me in my choices, but he was a man in love as well, and he understood the power of imprinting. He was sympathetic in that way, although my choice in imprinting was dumbfounding. As soon as I arrived in LaPush I went to my father for advice. He consulted with the elders. Seth's grandfather agreed to help me. We met with Seth and his grandfather at the chairman's meeting room in town. My father joined me. Seth's grandfather was a majestic man with his long white hair and weathered face. He shook my hand and father's hand as we met. Seth gave me a short hug and hand shake.

"Good to see you again Jake." Seth said.

"Thanks. You too."

Seth's grandfather took my hand in his and closed his eyes. I looked to Seth and my Dad, and they nodded to me.

"Jacob Black. The wolf is sleeping in you still. You have not lost it." Seth's grandfather spoke.

"What? Well, how do we wake it up? I need the wolf spirit now." I spoke surprised.

"I will attempt to wake it. I sense great heartache in you, Jacob."

"That is why I need the wolf. I need to get my heart back."

"You are attempting to reclaim what is yours?"

"Yes, sir. I can only protect the one I love with my wolf spirit, otherwise I will surely die."

"It will be a long journey back to your heart, son. It will be a perilous one." Seth's grandfather warned me.

"I am willing to do anything for my true heart."

"Very well. I shall begin."

Seth's grandfather pushed me to my knees quickly and said a chant, putting his hand on my chest. I pulled open my shirt. He chanted more, and I felt heat searing through his hand onto my skin. His hand vibrated and the heat increased. I started to wince and groan as the pain intensified. Then I felt this shock go through me like I was being electrocuted. I felt my body shake uncontrollably, and Seth's grandfather stepped away from me as I felt an increase in my blood flow. My muscles tensed up like I was going to explode. I shook so hard everything around me was a blur. Then the shaking stopped and I was seeing everything in a new eye. My senses were heightened. I looked around cautiously. Everyone was still here, Seth, my Dad, and Seth's grandfather. They were all grinning at me. My father was cheering and Seth was whistling at me. I tilted my head at the sounds. I went to speak, but only a howl came out. _I was wolf again! _I walked up to my father and he patted my head and rubbed my ear.

"Good to see you again, Jake."

I rubbed my nose on his hand.

I went to Seth's grandfather and gave him my paw. He gladly shook it.

"You're welcome, Jake. I hope you are able to recover what you have lost."

I nodded at him and yelped. I felt a calming. I was ready to reclaim my fate. I exited the town center. Seth followed me out and we quickly went to the woods where Seth phased.

_Man, Jake, I am so glad you decided to do this. It sure is great to have you back. _

_Thanks, Seth. I'm not back permanently. I need to get back to Nessie. She needs me. She's in trouble. Can we go back to your place? I'm going to need a change of clothes. _

_Sure, Jake. Can I help you with Nessie?_

_I appreciate that, Seth, but I need to do this on my own._

_Okay. But if you need someone to back you up, I'm your man, or wolf._

_Thanks._

We headed back to Seth's and we phased back into human form. We entered his house, and I was surprised to see Leah there. Her hair was longer than before. I quickly covered myself with the closest thing I could find, a throw pillow.

"Well, look here, the prodigal son has returned. You still modest around me? That's sweet."

"Hey, Leah. Good to see you again."

"You're not looking too bad yourself, Jake." She shrugged her eyebrows and smiled.

_I always knew Leah had a thing for me._

"Thanks. I guess." I looked to Seth for help with the awkward moment.

Seth quickly ran up the stairs and yelled for me.

"Come on, Jake. Let's get some clothes for you."

I could feel my cheeks getting hot. I nodded to Leah, and ran past her in a flash up to Seth's room. I could hear Leah cackling in the living room. As soon as I was dressed I called Edward and let him know I was on my way back.

"Edward it's Jake. I will catch the next flight back there to help."

"No, Jake. It's too late." I started to panic. _Was I too late? Did that evil SOB kill my Nessie?_

"What do you mean? What happened? Where's Nessie?"

"She ran away. She left with Leo."

_What the hell? _"What do you mean? Why didn't you stop her? Are you crazy?" I was screaming at Edward.

"Calm down Jake. Let me explain. Demetri from the Volturi showed up. He's the Volturi's personal tracker. Demetri led us to believe our suspicions were right about Leo. But he lied. Alice couldn't see it until Nessie had left. Somehow she was shielding and we couldn't see through his lies. Demetri was the one who killed all the half-vampires, not Leo. Demetri was hunting down Leo and Nessie. He must have been following them this past week. After Nessie took off, Demetri got away from us, and went after Nessie and Leo. He must have followed her scent, because he followed her to a remote part of the beach. We followed right behind him and got to Nessie and Leo in time. I told her to run away with Leo, and we would track her later after we took care of Demetri. We fought with Demetri, but he was a lot stronger than we thought. He escaped us and went to track them. They are on the run in Canada. But Demetrie is not far behind them."

"She's with him though, right?"

"Yes, Jake. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to tell you. I can keep you informed as to where she is heading next if you like."

I took a deep breath, trying not to cry. _**He**__ was with her! God knows what they were doing. I know what they were doing. She loved him. But she was running for her life from this Demetri. How can I protect her still when he was with her? He could surely protect her. But that was my job! She is mine!_

"So what do we do now, Edward, just sit and wait until this hunter catches them? That Leo can't protect her like I can. I can destroy that Demetri, and you know it. Leo's only half vampire. What can he do?"

"Jake, are you saying you are werewolf again?"

"Yep. Turns out it was just sleeping. Go figure."

"That's great, Jake."

"Thanks. But what do we do?"

"Leo maybe stronger than we give him credit for. You know how strong Nessie is and he is her male counterpart."

"Don't say that." I frowned.

"Sorry. You know what I mean."

"I'd feel better if I was the one to protect her."

"I know, Jake. What do you suggest?"

"I don't know yet. Let me know when she gets close to Vancouver. If that Demetri catches up to them, they're dead. Have Alice keep tabs on him, and let me know."

"Don't worry, Alice is on it. She has him located in the mountains of New Hampshire still."

"I hate sitting here worrying. I need to do something."

"I know what you mean. I wish I could have gotten hold of Demetri and taken him down. I've waited a long time for that."

"You don't like the guy much, do you?"

"Not at all. Demetri is pure evil in the sense, and the best vampire tracker in the world. He has the keenest sense of any one of us."

"I hate to say it, but how did he let Nessie and Leo escape him for so long?"

"He's conniving in that way. He was probably waiting to catch them together, and waiting for the perfect opportunity."

"Well, I'll take great pleasure in killing him for you, Edward, if I get the chance."

"I appreciate that."

"I owe you anyway."

"What do you mean, Jake?"

"You saved me from Leo, remember. He could have ripped my throat out at your house."

"Oh, yeah, right. I guess you'll be gunning for him too?"

"I don't know. There's no doubt, I would take great pleasure in ripping his head off. But Nessie would be upset with me if I did that. Maybe I can convince him to leave quietly."

"I doubt that. He seems enamored with her."

"Unfortunately I know what that is like. Hey, Edward, do me a favor and don't mention to Nessie that you know about me being a werewolf again. As far as she's concerned I'm still human."

"Okay. I will. And Jake, I will keep you informed of her whereabouts and Demetri's as well."

"Good, thanks Edward. I will talk to you soon."

I hung up with Edward and slumped on Seth's bed. _Great, now I have to wait. I need to run. I need to go somewhere, anywhere. _I sat up and looked to Seth.

"What's up Jake?"

"I need to get out of here for awhile. Can you do me a big favor?"

"Sure."

"If Edward calls, let me know as soon as possible. Could you relay messages to me from afar?"

"What do you mean? Are you taking off?"

"I have to. I need to. Could you do that for me, Seth?"

"Sure. I will relay any messages Edward will have for you."

"Thanks. You're a good friend Seth." I patted him on the shoulder, and took off out of his house. I waved to Leah on my way out. As soon as I got to the woods, I tied my sweatpants to my leg and phased into wolf form. Then I ran. I ran until I reached the Canadian Border, and ran back again. I kept running back and forth for hours, into the night and until the break of dawn. Then I found a cave to settle in and fell asleep curled up into a ball. It felt good to be wolf again. The feeling was incredible.

Three days had passed and I hadn't heard from Seth. On the fourth day I was nearing Olympic State Park when he called for me.

_Jake? Can you hear me? _

_Yes, Seth. What's up?_

_Good. I finally got you. You must have been out of range. Edward called. Nessie is in Calgary and the vampire tracker is hot on their trail, maybe only half a day behind them. He suggested they come to LaPush. He wants to meet with Sam and the pack tomorrow. Will you come?_

_Tell Edward I will head towards Calgary and catch up to them. I will cut off Demetri's path and try to intercept him. I will continue to follow Nessie all the way home. If Demetri happens to get past me tell Sam I will lead the pack in taking him out. I will lead the attack on Demetri. No one is to act until I say. Got it?_

_Sam won't like it. Are you sure you want to do this?_

_I have to. I need to protect Nessie. I can't allow that blood-sucking tracker get to her. Make sure you tell Sam. He __must__ let me lead the attack. _

_Okay Jake. I'll let Edward know your plans, and I will tell Sam your intentions._

_Thanks Seth._

I followed my scent back to the Canadian border and crossed over. I ran as fast as my legs would take me. I was nearing Calgary and checked to find Nessie's scent. I caught her scent outside a gas station, and followed it from there. I also caught the brief sickening sweet scent of that vampire killer. He was on her trail only a few miles ahead. I ran faster following Demetri's scent. My nose curled as I was getting closer to him. Then I saw a glimpse of him running ahead of me in the forest that lined the highway. He must have caught wind of me. He started to run faster, not veering from his mission. I sped up, and was only less that a few yards from him. I saw him look to the road, and I saw what he spied. I could see the bright whiteness of his evil grin in the moonlit night. I saw a small green SUV on the highway ahead. It was speeding at nearly 100 miles per hour. _Oh, no you don't you bloodsucker! _I caught up to him and tackled him. We tumbled through the woods and wrestled all the while. I got a few scratches in him, but he got loose out of my tracks and went in pursuit. I continued to follow, and jumped ahead of him. I looked back at him and growled at him. He seemed to slow in his running. I continued to follow the green SUV. The sun was rising. We passed a sign, Vancouver City Limits. They were heading straight through the city. I couldn't follow and chance being seen. I decided to run along the outskirts of the city, and catch up to them on the other side. I hoped the blood-sucker would take the same approach. As the city passed by me, I caught sight of the green SUV again. I followed closely. I tried to catch Demetri's scent again, and he was a half mile behind us, following. I stopped following the SUV and waited for Demetri to catch up. I headed him off, and led him away from the road. We circled each other until we reached Washington State border. I continued to circle him for hours, but he must have gotten frustrated with me, and broke my circle. He dashed ahead of me, so I pursued him. Day had turned to dusk, and he was heading straight to LaPush.

_Jake, where are you? _Sam was calling me. _That bloodsucker is here! _

_Don't move on him until I get there. I am almost there._

_What about Nessie?_

_That Leo will protect her until I get there. I am taking out Demetri. Do not act!_

_You better hurry!_

I rushed through the forest of LaPush and could see the bonfire on First Beach through the trees. I could barely make out my Nessie and that Leo on the Beach, facing Demetri. Then Leo was fighting with Demetri. Then I heard a blood curdling scream that I knew was Nessie. _I'm coming Nessie! _ I streaked past the bonfire and saw the vampire going for Nessie who was on her back trying to crawl away. I jumped over her and lunged at the bloodsucker. I snarled loudly and bit the vampire on the side of his neck piercing his tough skin and nearly biting his head off. He gurgled loudly, as he was dying.

_Okay guys. Let's finish him._ I told the guys to join me in tearing Demetri into bits. My brother wolves joined me, and our teeth gnashed and tore him to pieces. Then we tossed the parts into the bonfire and purple flames lit up the sky. _Okay boys, our job here is done. _I was proud of our accomplishment. We dispersed back into the woods. I looked back at Nessie before leaving. She was in shock. I saved her life. I was her knight in wolf armor.

"Jacob?" Nessie called to me.

_Yes, my love. It is I, the wolf that loves you 'til the day I die. _I grinned at her in my "wolfy" way. She knew it was me. _You will come back to me someday, my love, and you will be mine again._

When I reached the woods I phased back into my human form and started slowly back to my Dad's home. I was almost to the front door when Seth came running through the woods and phased human in one swift move. He was panicked and panting.

"Jake, come quick! The Volturi has Nessie!"

Panic came over me, and I phased into wolf again, and followed Seth. We ran to the beach, and I saw the Volturi gathered on the beach. Seth pointed to the cliff that reached like a hand out of the sea.

"Up there! One of them has her. Edward and Bella went after him."

I looked to the cliff and could barely see a struggle. Leo was fighting with the white haired Volturi leader. Nessie was too close to the edge. I was going to run up there, but saw Edward approaching the cliff, and then I heard Nessie scream again. Leo and the white haired vampire fell off the cliff and were tumbling and fighting still, all the way down to the murky choppy water. They sunk fast, and I didn't see anything else of them.

_Noooo! Oh, god. Are they coming up? Can vampires drown? They're not coming up._

_Jake. They're gone._

_No. Wait we have to get out of sight. _

I tugged at Seth and we ducked into the woods. We watched as Edward carried Nessie back down to the beach. Bella was following behind them. Edward looked over to the woods where we were. He knew I was there. Nessie was crying.

_What are they doing here anyway? They're not allowed here. _ I spoke to the pack.

_You're right. We will give them notice. _Sam announced as he howled.

We as a pack formed a line and marched out of the forest, and encircled the Volturi around the bonfire. They were clearly outnumbered by us now. They seemed intimidated.

"What do they want, Edward?" Aros asked.

_They are trespassing on Quiluete land, and it is forbidden. We have every right to destroy them. _Sam relayed.

"They say you are on Quiluete land which is forbidden to vampires. And they have every right to attack and kill every one of you." Edward informed them.

"We did not know. The children of the moon have rules? How is that possible?" Aros spoke.

"They are a strict run pack." Edward continued.

"But your family is here."

"We are allies with the Quiluete pack. We were invited. You were not." Edward confirmed. The Volturi grouped together in their cloaked hoods.

"Then we go in peace. Peace to you my friends. Edward, Bella, always a pleasure. Renesmee may your heart heal from its wounds. You _will_ find love again." I perked up at what he said.

"Go in peace, Brother Aros." Carlisle spoke.

The Volturi slithered away through the woods like black snakes.

_Alright! That's right you Italian bloodsuckers, go home where you belong! _Sam and the others cheered in a howling song.

I started back towards the woods, feeling for Nessie and her loss. I realized she did love him in a way. I only want her to be happy. I only wished she could love me again the way she used to. I looked back to her. She was watching me. _I'm sorry my love, for not being there in time. I hope you can forgive me. I love you still, and I hope in time you will love me again. I miss you. I will never forget you. _I nodded to her and howled once. Then I took off running. Seth was not far behind me.

_Jake, where are you going?_

_I need to go._

_Are you coming back?_

_Maybe. Don't follow me Seth. I don't know when I'll be back. Tell my father I will talk to him soon. _

_Okay. Take care Jake._


	5. Chapter 5

Making My Way Back

I must have run until dawn that fateful night. It was the last time I saw Nessie's beautiful sad face. But I couldn't stop thinking of her. I traveled up to Canada and ended up in a provincial park. The snow was heavy and my feet sunk in with every step. I came across a fairly fresh elk carcass, maybe a week old. As soon as I smelled it, I knew Nessie was here. It was her kill from when she was on the run. I inhaled her sweet scent from the carcass and tried to devour the rest of the frozen elk. It was tough as first, but I had to be close to her somehow. Just knowing she was here made my heart yearn for her more. When I had my fill of the frozen elk carcass, I headed more East in Canada, coming across her scent yet again. _Why was I torturing myself like this?_ I couldn't take much more of her scent, so I headed more south and went through the Dakotas, Montana, Idaho, and back home to LaPush. By the time I got back home it had been a couple weeks. I stopped back by my Dad's and never phased back human. I stood at the edge of the woods near my house, and stared long and hard at the small red house of my youth. My father happened to come out of the house, and I tried to hide. He must have seen me, though, and he called to me.

"Jake?" He questioned.

I stepped out into view, and howled once to him.

"Are you coming home now Jake?"

I shook my head in disagreement.

"I miss you, son. Take care of yourself, and don't stay away too long."

I nodded to him, and ran back out into the brush, heading out again. This time I headed south towards the Rockies. I continued to patrol the Sierras and around the Rockies. Several weeks later I ended back home again. This time I crossed paths with Seth. He was out patrolling in LaPush.

_Jake? Good to see you Jake!_

_You too Seth._

_You've been unphased all this time?_

_Yep. _

_Wow. How've you been?_

_Fine, Seth. _

_Boy, you're hair is getting long again. You need a haircut!_

_Yeah, I know._

_So where have you been?_

_All over. Canada, the Rockies, the Sierras._

_Have you seen you're Dad?_

_I was by here a few weeks ago._

_Oh, you didn't stop to say hi to anyone else._

_I know. _

_Are you doing alright Jake?_

_I'm surviving._

_Have you talked to Nessie?_

I cringed at her name, and it made me shudder. _No. I haven't._

_I guess she is still depressed. I talked to Edward the other day, and he's concerned about her. I guess she is catatonic most days._

_Oh. _I shuddered again. I was glad I didn't have to see her in her depression. It would surely kill me to see her like that. Tears were starting to well in my eyes. _Look, Seth. I'm going to run. I will catch up to you some other time._

_Okay, Jake. It was good seeing you. _

_Yeah, you too._

I ran again. Not as far this time. I ran towards Alaska.

A couple weeks later I came home again. I came across Seth again. He wasn't phased in werewolf this time. He grabbed me a pair of shorts, and I phased back human for the first time in months. It felt strange to be on two legs again. I almost had to steady myself like I had sea legs.

"How you doing, Jake?"

"Alright, Seth. What's going on?"

"Oh, pretty much the same. Are you staying for a while?"

"I haven't decided."

"She misses you, you know?"

I was surprised at his statement.

"What do you mean, Seth?"

"Nessie. She's doing a little better. She called me last week."

"Oh. What for?"

"She was checking up on you, I think."

"Why?"

"Because she still loves you, you dope!"

"What did you tell her about me?"

"I told her you were lone-wolf again."

"Oh. How do you know she misses me?"

"She told me."

"Oh."

"Jake, why don't you just go see her?"

"I don't know if I can. I can't stand to see her sad."

"The funeral is Friday."

"Oh."

"You're prolonging the inevitable, Jake. You know you still love her, you idiot! So go! She needs you."

I thought about it for a moment. How she would react to seeing me after all this time apart. _Would she be happy to see me? _I suddenly felt warmth inside me. I smiled at the prospect.

"That's right, Jake. Go."

I decided I should. So I caught the red-eye to New Hampshire Thursday, and was there by dawn Friday. I wore my best suit and tucked my hair behind my ears. Seth told me the funeral would be on the beach at dawn, so I headed there as soon as my plane landed. The butterflies churned in my stomach as I made my way down the beach until I found the alcove. I stood at the mouth of the alcove and watched the funeral procession. I saw her, my Nessie. She was so beautiful, yet sad. I watched her place the wreath of flowers in the water hoping to catch her eyes. Then she looked up from the water. I think she saw me. I went to wave to her, and smiled. I mouthed "Hi" to her. She mouthed "Hi" back. Her face lit up like the dawn that was rising over that beach. Then she suddenly bounded up the beach and practically leapt into my arms. The excitement overcame me, and I held her tight, inhaling her sweet spicy scent. It felt so good to hold her in my arms. I rocked her gently. Then I pulled away to look at her beautiful face.

"I thought I was hallucinating for a minute. You're really here." She told me.

"Yes, Nessie, I'm really here. It's not a mirage."

"Thank you for coming."

"I wanted to tell you…" The words started to choke me up. "I'm sorry for your loss, Nessie."

"Thanks. I am really glad you decided to come."

I hugged her again, tightly. She felt so soft. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, but holding you in my arms." I told her.

I could feel her start to weep. I had to reassure her I wasn't going anywhere.

"You'll be alright, Nessie."

"I know." He made me believe.

I followed her family, lagging behind watching her every move. There was a small reception at the house. I stood in the kitchen with Bella, Edward and Charlie, somewhat listening to their conversation. Her eyes were on me from across the room. She sat still in the high-backed chair. Her arms stiff to her sides. I caught her eyes several times, smiling at her. Her face lit up, as she returned the smile. Then she looked uncomfortable and started to fidget in her seat. Her face went blank and she got up from her chair and started out of the house. She looked at me, as for me to follow. I watched her go outside onto the front lawn. I decided to follow. She was wandering barefoot in the grass.

"Are you alright, Nessie?" I asked her, and she turned seeming surprised I was there.

"Oh, yeah. I just needed some air. All that chatter was making me a little crazy."

"Do you want to be alone?" She was still thinking of him.

"No. Don't go, please." She held her hand to me. I took it willingly, just to feel her silky smooth skin. I laced my fingers into hers.

"How long are you staying, Jake?" She asked. I was unsure. I looked for clues from her.

"I don't know. That depends on you."

"What do you mean?"

"Depends on how long you need me to stay."

I hoped she would say 'forever', but she was still grieving for him.

"You know, Nessie." The words lumped in my throat. "You can talk about him if you want. If it helps."

She looked strangely at me.

"Thanks, Jake, but I don't think I can right now."

"Well, when you're ready, I _will_ listen."

She seemed perturbed. "Why are you being so nice to me? You shouldn't even be here. You should be furious with me."

"I'm here because you need me to be. I don't want you to be sad anymore."

"How do you know what I need?" Now she was mad at me. "Maybe I need you to yell and scream at me, tell me what a horrible person evil person I am!"

I sighed calmly. I didn't want to argue with her. I was there to help her through this.

"I know you are hurting right now, Nessie. But trying to start a fight with me is not going to work."

"Maybe I _want_ to fight. Maybe I want to yell!" Then she started hitting me, but I stayed calm. She needed to vent. "Fight me, Jake! Fight me!"

I grabbed her wrists, though I wanted so much to kiss her then. Her anger aroused me, but she was not ready for that yet.

"I'm not going to fight with you, Nessie. If it makes you feel better to hit me, then go ahead." Then I let go of her and patted my chest for her to hit me. I didn't care. I was strong now. "Come on give me you're best shot."

She was suddenly enraged, and charged me knocking me to the ground. _Let it out Nessie._ "That right. Hit me harder." I let her hit me, until she was through, and then she cried into my chest. I stroked her hair. _That's right. It's okay. I'm here, darling. _

"Do you feel better now?" We sat next to each other.

"Yes, I think so. Why did you let me hit you like that? You didn't even get mad at me."

"No. I knew you needed to release some of that pain. Why not on me? I can take it?" I told her.

"You never even got the least bit angry."

"I think I have that under control now. Ever since the elders woke the spirit in me, it was like a calming. Suddenly everything was clear. I had a new outlook on life." I remembered the feeling of being werewolf again. The weight that was lifted and the feeling of freedom once again. "Plus I wanted to help you through your grief. My, anger, won't help you anyway."

She seemed amazed at the new me.

"When did you realize you were still a werewolf?"

"As soon as I got back to LaPush, I went to the elders to see if they could change me back. They informed me I was still a werewolf. The wolf was sleeping inside me. It just needed to be awoken. I knew as soon as I was werewolf again I could try and win you back. Then I heard that the blood-sucker from Italy was after you two, and you ran away with _Leo. _I wanted to find you and tear him to shreds and take you away. But when I had the wolf back, it all changed. I knew I couldn't be the one to take that from you. It saddened me for you to be with him, but I dealt with it the only way I knew I could. So I started patrolling with Sam again. It was like old times. I could have stayed in wolf stage. I was even Alpha for a day." I recalled.

"I didn't see you at first when I got to LaPush. Where were you?"

"I wasn't there yet. I was patrolling near Vancouver, actually intercepting." I remembered tracking the killer vampire.

She never knew I was following her. "Intercepting? Who? You were following me?"

"Yes. I caught up to you northeast of Vancouver, and found the blood-sucker close on your trail following you. I made sure he wasn't going to catch you. He was so close to getting you, you wouldn't believe. I passed him when I knew you were out of his range. And I followed you all the way in. Somehow Demetri got around me, and got here before me. It was my fault, Nessie. The pack was waiting on my orders. I was late getting there. I didn't make it in time to save Leo. I could barely make it in time to protect you. If I was any later, you might have been killed." Jacob looked away. "I'm sorry for that."

"You followed me? And you led the attack on Demetri?"

"Yes. But I was too late. I'm sorry." I felt ashamed for my lack of heroism.

"It's not your fault, Jake. You did the best you could."

"I had no idea the Volturi were coming either. We had just caught scent of them as we phased back. We thought the danger was over. I had no idea one of them wanted you dead." It was hard not to think of what could have happened, if I had lost her.

"You wouldn't have. None of us did really. Nobody knew what Caius was capable of. Leo was so weak from Demetri's bite. I didn't think he would be able to even fight Caius. It must have took every last ounce of life left of him to save me from Caius."

I tried to ease her pain. "I really am sorry, Nessie."

"Would you quit saying your sorry. It's not your fault. Quit blaming yourself. It was a tragic accident. Nothing more."

"If you say so. I wish I could have done more."

"Don't Jake! If it weren't for me, none of this would have happened in the first place. So just stop it!" I had to stop her. I needed her, and she needed me. I grabbed her arm and swung her around. I took her face in my hands and I kissed her passionately, and all those feelings came rushing back into my head. I felt her body loosen in my grasp. All her muscles relaxed and she became unsteady as we stopped kissing. _I still had it!_

"I'm glad to see I still have that effect on you." I grinned my Cheshire cat grin.


End file.
